Not quite referring to “food, shelter and clothing” here, but maybe what we ‘need’ depends on who we are and what phase or time of life we are currently involved in.
Childhood alone is made up of so many phases from birth up through tweens, each with it’s own demands for love, security, expression, a true sense of belonging (or clan) and of course, the dynamic of exploring intellectually and emotionally as the educational and social processes prod and lead us forward. Most who survive through the phases beyond this early one look back and regard it with a fond delight – a time of little care and great freedom. These are the special formative years from which many memories are stored. Need sense of belonging.
But the “teens” is a far more turbulent time – great passions as hormonal changes turn lives upside down, then up, then down, then – oh you get the picture. This might be thought of as the “Rediscovery” time. Who Am I really? Who are you? What am I doing here? What are you doing? What do you mean by that? Leave me alone! I’m fine! Everything is FINE! But even thru all this excitement, the advancing teen is expected to be making “choices” about what he wants out of life. What does he want to do? Where is he going from here? What is important to him/her? What does he/she believe in? Does anybody even care that I am suffering here? I am so alone! This phase reminds me of words I’m remembering from Kahlil Gibran’s “The Prophet” on the subject of pain: Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encases your understanding. This indeed, is a time of great learning on many levels. By and large, if the first phase was anywhere near adequate and/or rewarding, we generally come through this one Okay. Need for differentiation.
Then on to the “Test your Mettle” phase. Whatever choices one makes earlier on as to what one wants out of life come into play here. Marriage, career, our date with destiny. Whatever the choice or movement direction was, there are so many choices to be made, each carrying with it, it’s own cost and rewards. Fortunate is he who follows his passion, whether it was marriage and family, devotion to a cause, or God, or fame and fortune stemming from a myriad of efforts. These are the years we ultimately ‘seem to be about’. Sorrowful is the life lived only by someone else’s demands or expectation, for this leads to missing the mark for a joyful, rich and fulfilling life, even to resentment and frustration and not living up to one’s own potential or even finding his/her own purpose. In this house-holder or adult phase we learn what works and what doesn’t. We realize the logic and beauty of cooperation and respect and we are capable of extending those concepts out globally in a true spirit of brotherhood for all mankind, for our environment, for the planet. We can see beauty in all creation, whatever form in which it manifests. We come to realize how blessed we are that we have choice. Seriously. We can be pleased with what we have experienced, and enriched with what we have learned. And if it didn’t turn out quite as we thought or hoped – as long we still rise each day, we can choose to reach for something different, something we really want. Need for reaching out and understanding, and to find our own depths and strengths.
Finally, with most of our responsibilities culminating one way or another, life eases us into those glorious golden treasured years of rewards. Not all of us are physiologically able to fully utilize this splendid time as we would have in say the adult/householder years. But such is life. We wouldn’t have been as smart then to know what to do with these valuable prospects. We are finally ‘free’ to gleefully be as self-serving as we want to be. We can read the books we never quite got around to. We can go to bed any time we choose and damned well get up when we choose. In short, we can schedule our life around the things and activities WE personally want to do because it pleases us. I’m lovin it.
Remember back in the first paragraph, I suggested that this need thing depends in part on ‘who you are’ as well as the time of life one is living. Well, I have always been family oriented (perhaps overmuch); such orientation leaves a female from my generation with a huge hole in the life when one is no longer ‘needed’. So there is a lot to get used to, adjustments have to be made in order to survive well. I was perhaps a little more fortunate than many ladies of my time in that I always had a huge creative need to express and express I did. Long ago I was a painter (mostly oils) and sketched and/or painted daily. Our modest income demanded that I learn many things if I wanted to have all the ‘stuff’ I felt I wanted. So, I learned to paint. I always sewed and knitted – grew up doing that. My entire wardrobe and bedspreads and draperies were made by me. I have rarely gone to hair salons for color or cuts (styling) as I have always done my own (and many other peoples too) since I trained for it twice in my life, but never practiced it (professionally). In the 70’s I discovered astrology and fell in love with it and became a professional astrologer. All these pursuits (and more) were greatly appreciated by my husband and he always encouraged my odd but varied pursuits. We enabled one another to separate interests and activities. He had his poker buddies and his travel in which I did not participate and I of course had mine. We were a matched set. It worked. He was my best friend.
Like so many others of my day I took care of my mother for decades and had her living with me for the last 18 years of her life. I loved this woman and someday want to write about her – she was a phenomenon. Then when my granddaughter’s mother became too ill to function, I gladly filled in with my son’s girls for about ten years, back in the saddle with 3 meals a day and all that caring for two beautiful little girls entails. They are in their teens now and no longer ‘need’ me. So there was that “hole” again as their life took on new dimensions. Both girls know that I love them to pieces. They are loving, beautiful and probably very normal.(But I know what causes the Sun to rise in the morning).
My companion (9# Heidi – a Lassa Apso mix) helps give me balance. She needs to go out in the morning, so I do have to get up! My current love affair with blogging often keeps me up nights til 12, 2, and even 4 and whatdaya gonna do – I love it. Never had so much fun. So what are my needs now. Whatever my fancy chooses for this day, thank you very much. Need, to finally enjoy to the fullest, what our mellowed nature has absorbed and experienced.
